Episode 2: Birds

Some of you keen readers probably noticed that the second episode "Birds" has been constantly alluded to, but has yet to be seen. Well, now it's here. Hooray.

Remember to watch in high quality!

Well after watching this video you can probably see why it took so long/why it is is subpar at best. At least the footage is nice.

Episode 4: Lizards

Not that I am biased or anything, but here's the coolest episode with the coolest subject.

Remember to watch in high quality!

As funny/boring/badly narrated these videos are, the one thing you should pay attention to is the slideshow at the end of this episode and the previous. Whether they're showcasing frogs or lizards, the photos do the incredible diversity in size, shape, color, and pattern at least some justice, or so I'd like to think.

Coming eventually: Birds

Episode 3: Amphibians

So after three long years since my last directorial debut here is the next episode in this doomed series of youtube videos. Expect more of the same subpar editing with less monkeys and hatred of monkeys and consequently less humor. 

Remember to watch in high quality!

Previous next episode: Birds

Episode 1: Mammals

I remember when Steve Irwin would disrupt his regular schedule of poking reptiles and go to Africa to find elephants and monkeys. Those were the worst episodes. What a ripoff. Yeah, yeah, I guess a true nature lover appreciates all life on this planet equally and whatever, but screw that. Mammals are boring.

Unfortunately, I'm about to do the same to you guys. Please forgive me. For better or worse, mammals (mainly monkeys) were a significant part of the experience at Tiputini because they were everywhere and excluding them would be an incomplete representation of my month there.

This was made with Windows Movie Maker so don't expect Oscar quality cinema. It was also recorded with a subpar digital camera. That being said, I had some amazing photo opportunities and a goal of this project is to show what you can see, without National Geographic photo expertise, in the most biodiverse place on earth.

So without further ado, here it is:

Remember to watch in high quality!

Monkeys of Tiputini:

• Wooly, Lagothrix lagothricha poeppigii
• Spider, Ateles belzebuth belzebuth
• Howler, Alouatta seniculus
• Saki, Pithecia aequatorialis
• Squirrel, Saimiri sciureus
• Golden-Mantle Tamarin, Saguinus tripartitus
• Capuchin, Cebus albifrons*
• Dusky Titi, Callicebus discolor*
• Pygmy Marmoset, Cebuella pygmaea*
• Night, Aotus vociferans*
• "Second cover" of the 125th Anniversary Edition of National Geographic

*Not in my video

See all monkeys here, if you're into that. 

More monkey media towards the beginning. 

Next episode: Birds. 

Lizard Quest 1: Failure

I've loved lizards my entire life, but have been cursed with living in a place virtually devoid of them. It wasn't until Ecuador (I went there!) that I got the chance to see, catch, study, observe, cuddle, and watch the darn things in the wild for the first time and it was great. Now that I'm back home to rot in my room in upstate NY where there are no lizards, things are not great.

Fortunately my life regained purpose when I found out there are introduced Italian wall lizards (Podarcis sicula sicula) around NYC. Apparently they were released from a pet shop in Long Island in 1967 when they went out of business so people like me could find lizards in an otherwise lizard-less state. Those guys deserve a medal.

My first stop was the NY Botanical Gardens in the Bronx. Here is a video detailing the trip.

I didn't actually get kicked out, but my noosing attempts were met by an unhappy gardener who disapproved of my goals. I tried convincing him, but all my efforts and subsequent rejection left me only with contempt for this man. The worst part is that I started finding a lot of lizards right after I was chastised. Being the moral, upright, law-abiding citizen I am, I didn't grab any. Jeeze. The signs only say "Do not touch plants" not "Do not catch lizards." What a waste of $18. Don't go there. It's lame.

So close, yet so far. 

But wait, there's more! Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion to this subpar story. 

Movie Making: Day 2, Animaniacs

Animaniacs is so funny. In addition to only an hour of Animaniacs I watched an hour of the Sopranos today. It's kind of like the Animaniacs, except one episode lasts an entire hour, not two (like Animaniacs). They're both great shows.

Back to business. Here is proof that I am working on this poor excuse of a nature documentary.

 A lot of files.  

Eww. Monkeys.

As you can see there are a lot of files to sort through and I have been hard at work on episode 1: "Why monkeys are stupid."

Stay tuned. Likely to come out in the late summer of 2014 at this rate. 

Amazonia 3: Viper? I barely know her! 1: Fer-de-lance

Enough about boring, temperate northeastern suburban living! Here's a story about how I caught a viper in the supercool, awesome Amazon.

So I was happily strolling along during a sunny afternoon with this dingus named Evan to check out some gaps. Gaps are areas where trees have fallen allowing sunlight to reach the ground which means that lizards that like to bask are found in these areas. Trees fall a lot in the rainforest because their roots are not very deep at all because the soil sucks in the rainforest. Epiphytes might also have a role in tree falls as well. Regardless of the actual reason, the resulting light conditions have great significance for the plants that grow there.

"I love gaps." -Lizard

But who cares about plants? Back to lizards. So I saw the lizard pictured above (Kentropyx pelviceps) in a sunny spot, but before I could noose the darn thing, it ran under a large fallen tree. From the shadow cast by the large tree, I could make out the silhouette of something reptilian so I eagerly noosed it and to my surprise (stupidity) I pull out a fer-de-lance.

The fer-de-lance, Bothrops atrox, is a pit viper complete with a hematotoxin that can kill me. The noose only got tighter behind the viper's giant head full of venom as it struggled to get away at a distance of 10 feet away from me. How do I know it was 10 feet away from me? Because my lizard catching stick is a collapsible fishing pole that can be extended to 10 feet. While this helped me with standing at a safe position, I still couldn't cut or loosen the noose without getting within striking distance of the damn snake.

The common name for these snakes in Spanish is "equis" or "X" which is another interpretation of the patterning on the snake. In America we refer to it as a "diamondback," with regard to rattlesnakes which are closely related to the fer-de-lance I just caught. The snake reminded me of this by violently shaking his rattle-less tail while squirming approximately 10 feet away from me. Pictures and videos would be helpful in illustrating these facts and story, but I was too busy pissing my pants.

Thankfully, before that actually happened, we were close to camp and my friend ran to get the professor who did not simply cut the noose, but loosened it off the snakes head so I could still use it for the rest of the day.

And that's the end of the tail. 

Ha ha ha.